THE RED SUIT

The power of advertising became clear to me when I ponder the red suit.  I saw it in a catalogue on a tall, slim model.  The ad promised me 'slimming pants' and, though I know I'm not the same size, shape or age as the model, I thought to myself: "that's for me."  It'll look snappy and jaunty. So I went to the store, tried it on, bought it, and brought it home.  Only then did I realize that it's not going to work for me.  Not anymore.  Not now.  Not at my age.  I've become an elder. 

Yes, I can still wear red -- as an accent.  But to be all in red, like a cherry, like a luscious piece of fruit ripe for the picking, is to deny what I am now.  I'm in the autumnal years.  Wise, perhaps, sometimes.  Energetic, yes.  Able to contribute still to society, absolutely!  But I'm no longer young, and that's the truth. My jaunt and snap is tempered by a mellowness of years, a deepening of dimensions.

I once had a conversation with my older son as we walked in the woods.  He expressed fear that, as he got older, the vividness of life would diminish.  I told him that perhap at his age colours are almost psychodelic  in their brightness.  (In fact, I think studies have been done that show that for young people, colours really are brighter and more vivid.)  But the older one gets, the more colours have the richness and depth of an oriental carpet.  Hues, like wine, get better with age.

And so, taking the suit back was a watershed moment of recognizing who I am now.  Not who I was or wish to be, but who I am.  It came with both a sadness for letting go of the catalogue image desire, and a confidence in the awareness of reality.  But I refuse to buy the oatmeal coloured sweater like my mother used to wear that makes me look washed out and faded!

Change, change, change

I see change all around me all the time and it ALWAYS amazes me! When I look at the seniors at my school, it was not long ago at all they were freshmen. They were new, disoriented, tiny and rambunctious. Now they are the seniors… and the seniors of last year? They are now freshman out there in the world. Changes…

When I first started teaching I was 24 years old, no grey hair, and I was uncomfortable being addressed by my last name. I’m an elder now, older now than my mentor then. Changes…

And the light! The light has changed outside! It’s slanted and different than it was mid August. My garden is a shambles and the air has changed. The leaves on the trees have begun to change colour, die, and disappear. And yet, come Spring, they will return as will the warmth of the sun.

I think all religions recognize and mark that change happens, and that change creates hope. Those of us who are Jewish completed Yom Kippur a few seeks ago. It is a time to remember that we are going to die – a big change – and that in preparation, we need to ask others to forgive us. Further, we asked the power of life which we call G-d to remember us in the Book of Life when we die, and we symbolically acted as if we are among the dead by fasting. And then we come out of it and appreciate life. The Hindu holiday of Diwali, which will be celebrated in October, is both a holiday of light in dark times and the story of good prevailing over evil. The main stories in Christianity, of Jesus’ birth and his death and resurrection are about the power of transformational change and the promise of new life. Buddhism recognizes that every breath we take illustrates constant and perpetual change. And from that grows compassion.

Change is powerful. Change is hopeful. It can happen naturally – like the changes in the body or in the seasons, or it can happen because of actions – like civil Rights in this country or women’s rights in many places in the world. And it is often the small, seed-like changes that become big: an egg and a sperm combine to become a water creature and eventually a complicated human being, a lady refuses to move from a seat on the bus, a person stands up to a bully.

But let’s get personal. Think about the changes in your life. What are those moments, those markings, that have changed you and made you who you are? What are the changes you wish to make -- both in your life and in this world – today, this year, in the years to come?

Take a moment, right now to do something that is either about change or counter to change. Because we’ve had a major change already – going from the relaxation of summer to full steam ahead of school, I want to take 5 minutes to just sit and catch our breath. DO nothing, change nothing, just be. Or, I ask you to ponder change, in your life or in this world. Either way, I want us to just sit, together, quietly and breath. As you sat, your breathing changed, your heart rate changed, your brain waves changed. Change is powerful, change is hopeful. Change brings peace.

EID al ADHA AND DIWALI

It’s a testament to the hegemonic power of Western Christianity that everyone– whether they’re Christian or not – knows when and what Christmas is. And yet, I bet that not many people who know that today is the beginning of one of THE most important holidays for Muslims, and next week is one of THE most important holidays for Hindus.

Take a minute to think about what person/place/thing is most precious to you, most dear to your heart and your life. Now I want you to imagine willingly giving it up for a greater good. Not an easy thing to do. In a sense, that’s what the Muslim holiday of Eid al Adha and the Hindu holiday of Diwali recognize and celebrate: the willingness to go beyond our individual cares and loves, and think of the greater good. Like any holiday or ritual, there’s a story. For Eid al Adha, the story is about the same person that is in the Jewish and Christian bibles: Abraham. And in fact, the story is similar – with some differences. The Qu’ran tells the story of Abraham and his first and older son Ishmael. Ishmael is old enough to work with his Dad. Here’s what the Qur’an says next: “One day Abraham says to him: “Oh my son! I have seen in a dream that I offer you in sacrifice: now what is your view!” The son said: “Oh my father! Do as you are commanded: you will find me, if God so wills, one of the steadfast.” So when they had both submitted to God, and he had laid him prostrate on his forehead for sacrifice, god called out to him “O Abraham! You have already fulfilled the dream!” Thus indeed God rewards those who do right.” (Sura 37.99-105) So, instead of killing his son, Abraham kills a sheep which is then used to feed the people.

WOW! Father-son relationship; making a sacrifice; being steadfast; doing the right thing. Caring for the larger community.

As a student of religions, I find it fascinating to see how these themes play over and over in so many religions. It’s probable that the story was really about putting an END to child sacrificing. But the theme of a son willing to be sacrificed to his father’s duty before he finds his own path, is universal. Judaism uses the same story, with a different son. We see it Christianity with the story of Jesus as the son of God. We also see it in Hinduism with the story of Rama (which is what Diwali celebrates) and even to an extent in the story of the Buddha. In all cases, we’re talking about people who were caring, upstanding, good guys.

Father-son relationship; making a sacrifice; being steadfast; doing the right thing. Caring for the larger community.

The story of Rama is the story of a young prince who, as the eldest and a paragon of virtue, is supposed to inherit the throne. But his father has made a foolish promise to one of his wives. As a result, Rama, has to give up everything and go into exile in the woods. Like Ishmael, Rama recognizes that his Dad has to do what he is bound to do, and as a dutiful and steadfast son, he goes. (along with a brother and his wife.) After many exciting and difficult adventures, he returns to the kingdom to rule as a wise and just king of his people. [WR students, what does Joseph Campbell call this? Yes! The Hero Cycle]

Father-son relationship; making a sacrifice; being steadfast; doing the right thing. Caring for the larger community.

Aung San Suu Kyi, is a woman from Myamar who won the Nobel peace because of the stand she took against the military government in her country. But it meant that while under house arrest, she did not see her husband or children – who were in England – for years. It was a sacrifice. Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, Ghandhi, all spent less time with their families – who suffered – because of the work they did. Young Malala Youseaif – who got shot in the head for promoting education for girls in her country, is STILL speaking out! The stories prod our consciences to think about what we would sacrifice in order to be steadfast and to do the right thing for the greater good of a just society.

At the same time, personally, I have a problem with the stories. I am aware of the dangers of sacrificing one’s self or one’s loved ones for the ‘greater good.’ Too many times and places in this world have we had people who ‘were just following orders’ which included killing others. In an article on the power of hate in Sunday’s NY Times, the author wrote: “A culture of authority and obedience that supplants individual moral responsibility with loyalty to a larger mission helps loosen the moral inhibitions against murder, social psychologists say.” (NY Times, p. 6, 10/13/13) I guess we also somehow need to find a balance, and make sure that the sacrifices, the steadfastness, the doing the right thing and caring for the larger community are ones that make the world a better, safer, healthier and more compassionate place.

One of the really lovely rituals associated with Eid al-Adha reinforces the idea of the larger community because people take the meat of an animal and divide it into thirds with one third going to the family, one third going to the larger family and friends, and one third going to the poor and needy. EVERYONE is included, it’s not just about self or yours. It’s about helping everyone. Caring for the larger community.

One of the lovely rituals associated with Diwali is the use of lights, candles, and fireworks to beautifully transform time and place. Furthermore, people give each other sweet treats and gifts. These rituals also are ways to reinforce the idea of sharing with others. Caring for the larger community. So, as Muslims and Hindus celebrate two of their most important holidays over the next week, let’s remember not just the differences between us – and there are – but also the commonalities. Because all traditions recognize and emphasize:

 Father-son relationship; making a sacrifice; being steadfast; doing the right thing. Caring for the larger community.

BUDDHA'S OBSERVATIONS

Many of us think our parents are/were the most controlling people ever.  But none of them was half as controlling as the father of a young man in India in the 600's.  Siddhartha Gautama, who later became the Buddha, was a prince whose father kept him insulated in a sort of cocoon of wealth and privilege and he never saw – until he was in his 30’s! -- what are called the four passing sights: old age, sickness, death or a wise person.  But as the Jeff Goldblum character said in the movie Jurassic Park, 'life has a way of happening.'  Siddhartha, according to legend, witnessed all four of those in one day.  It was as if reality smacked him in the face and he realized, for the first time, that life as he knew it was based on a falsehood.  He was so shocked and moved by the suffering he saw, that he left home to find a ‘cure.'  He  left a life of luxury and became an ascetic, someone who gives up all creature comforts and lives in the woods.  But after several years of that, he ‘woke up’ to the fact that he’d just gone from one extreme to the other and had to find the middle path, something in between.  So, he sat under a tree, meditate for over 40 days, and then reached enlightenment or Buddha.  And that’s why he’s called The Buddha, the enlightened or aware one. 

So what did he become aware of?  Author Huston Smith likened the Buddha to a doctor.  We go to the doctor because something’s wrong, something hurts us.  The first thing a doctor wants to know is what’s the problem?  Once we describe the problem, the doctor will try to figure out what’s causing the problem.  Once s/he has a diagnosis of the problem, then s/he will know how to cure the problem.  Then, the doctor will give you a prescription for medicine which will make you better.  That’s exactly what The Buddha does with life!

He came away from his days of meditating with what is called The Four Noble Truths.  The problem, said the Buddha, is this:

1)      Life includes suffering.  You can’t avoid it, dodge it, pretend it doesn’t exist.  Everyone experiences suffering in our lives! 

So, what’s causing the suffering, asked Dr. Buddha?

2)      Our suffering is caused by our ‘clinginess’, our attachment to the way things are right now.   Life is ever changing, nothing stays the same, emotions, lives, even what we’re comprised of as humans are fleeting.  Everything is in flux, is impermanent.  But still, we try to hold on as if we can keep this moment/experience/person forever. 

Okay, so, what’s the solution, the cure?

 3)      Let go!  Let go of your clinginess, your attempt to grasp and keep things just as they are.  Recognize that everything changes and you can’t hold on to/cling to/attach to things as they are.

 Easier said than done!  What’s the prescription for doing that?

4)      Follow the 8-fold path.  Buddha was the first self-help guru.  He said if you follow these 8 (not always easy) steps in your everyday life, your life – this life, not some distant time after death, this life will be better.

 WOW!  Cool!  8 steps to a better life!! (Sounds like a title for an article in one of a million magazines.)  What are they, you ask?  Here’s what they are: 

1)      Correct understanding.  Similar to any 12 step program, the first thing you need to do is recognize you have a problem.  How can you change things if you don’t think you need to change?

 2)      Correct motivation.  Now that you are aware that there’s a problem, be willing to do something about it.

 3)      Correct speech.  The way you talk and the words you use in your everyday life have an effect on you and the world around you.  If I’m constantly bad mouthing people, gossiping, or using derogatory language that puts people – or myself – down, then I create an atmosphere that’s negative, hurtful, and destructive.  I never understood the rhyme growing up that said: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.”  I always thought – and I think the Buddha would agree with me on this – that it should say: “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can hurt far longer.”  However, positive speech, words of encouragement and love, help us and those around us tremendously.

4)      Correct actions.  The Buddha recognized that it wasn’t just what we said, but what we did in our everyday life that made a difference around us.  Interestingly, scientists are beginning to prove that he was right!  Our actions as well as our speech, do effect our health, our attitude, our ability to ‘bounce back’ from adversity.

5)      Correct job.  The Buddha took it one step further.  He said that the kind of job you do makes a difference to you and the world around you.  He was, perhaps, the first environmentally conscious leader.  He said there are certain jobs that are detrimental to life.  In his day it was leather tanning because the chemicals used hurt the skin and also the earth.  Today, he might include chemical bomb manufacturing or the tobacco industry.

6)      Correct effort.  I’m always interested that effort is here – not bak with understanding and motivation.  I suspect because he recognized something else about human nature: we start off with great enthusiasm and interest, but it begins to wane a bit after awhile or when the going gets tough.  I always start going to the gym with a great deal of commitment, which maybe lasts two weeks.  And then I begin to find excuses to slough off.  The Buddha reminds me to keep on keepin’ on, particularly as the last two steps are the most difficult!

7)      Correct mindfulness/attention.  How often do we sit at a meal and do something else while we eat?  Perhaps we read the newspaper, or watch TV, talk to others, or text?  When we’re doing that, we’re not paying attention or savoring the food we’re eating!  Now, there are certain foods – for me it’s potato chips, butterscotch pudding or Hagaan Daz chocolate ice cream, that I DO savor.  I’m aware of each bite, where it falls on the tongue, how it feels in the mouth, the sweetness or saltiness is appreciated completely.  But do we pay attention like that every day with every moment of our lives?  Are we aware, for example, of the light or the air on our body as we walk outside?  Do we give our full attention to the people in our lives? Are we engaged in listening to them then and there, or do we do what I sometimes did when my kids told me a long involved story – I thought about dinner, or emails or work?  If we were to pay attention to the everyday life around us, we would be so very grateful and that gratefulness in us would affect others as well.  THAT’S what the Buddha was getting at! 

8)      Correct meditation.  To help us become more mindful, more aware of the impermanence of life, more compassionate toward all life, said the Buddha, is to meditate.  Focus on your breathing, in and out, sitting or standing, as a practice everyday.  Try to let go of your ‘monkey mind’ which is a jumble of a million thoughts, and just be.  As Terry Ward writes in his article “IT Starts with a Breath”,  “concentrating on breath has a unique, calming effect.  By focusing our minds on the act of breathing and nothing else, somehow or another, we come out of that exercise better able to think more clearly.  We feel better, too, at least momentarily.” (p. 119)  And, again, scientists who have been studying meditators find there is enough data to show that there are improvements to health and well-being from mediation.

Buddha was never concerned with whether there is a God or not.  And he didn’t think there was any ‘soul’ at all.  Not even that was a thing.  The Buddha had what people today call the KISS approach: Keep It Simple, Stupid.  Focus on how to stop suffering and be compassionate toward all right now, in this moment, in this lifetime.  He likened it to a person who gets an arrow in their side.  It hurts!  Will they stand there pondering where it came from, who shot it, why did they shoot it, what did they do wrong to deserve this?  No!  the first concern is to get the arrow out!  And that’s what the Buddha offered: a solution to the problem of pain.

One of the stories I like most about the Buddha is one in which a woman whose son has died comes to him and asks him to bring her son back from the dead.  The Buddha says, “Okay, but first find me a house that has not been touched by death.”  The woman goes valiantly from house to house searching.  Of course, she finds out that every house has been touched by death.  What changes for her is not her circumstance.  What changes for her is her view of her circumstance.  And really, that’s the only thing we can change.

Maybe a psychologist would say it all came from Buddha having control issues with his father.  But we all have control issues.  And ultimately, the only thing we do have control over is how we view and deal with the situations of life.  Buddha’s 8 steps certainly help!